As much as I'd like to write about topics as pertinent as last week's, it simply isn't feasible. I'd burn out in about three and a half weeks. So, this week I'm taking an easy one; something easy to complain about, but something with which we'll definitely have a little fun.
Disclaimer: This post isn't recommended to those with low levels of maturity or weak stomachs.
I've come to really resent birthdays. I think it's normal for a person, as they mature, to become less and less excited with their own birthday (receiving new shirts and pants, though practical, can't replace the thrill of getting Hot Wheels and a Charizard card), but I've come to hate all birthdays: yours, mine, that guy across the street's (actually I really have never cared about his). I think, more than any other factor, Facebook is the reason for this enlightenment. I wouldn't say Facebook is the cause, but rather the lens which revealed the truth of why I shouldn't like birthdays.
I'm too lazy or uncreative to make my point in paragraph form, so here is a list of reasons I don't like birthdays:
1. Obligation: Facebook, because of it's notification of every friend's birthday, opens up an obligation to wish each of them "Happy Birthday!" (or similar) when the date rolls around every year. I know people who do wish each "friend" good tidings on their specified date every year, whether this person has communicated otherwise the entirety of the three hundred sixty four days previous. I'm sick of it. The act has lost all sentiment and has become an empty gesture of acknowledgement. This is why I don't do it. I feel no guilt of obligation to do it anymore and I don't think I've posted an actual message wishing someone "Happy Birthday!" (or similar) in quite some time. Ahh, it's such a feeling of freedom to not do it.
2. Remembrance: This one kind of is all Facebook's fault. When you receive a wall post from someone wishing you "Happy Birthday!" (or similar), you instantly question whether this person actually knew yesterday that it was your birthday today. Other than a select few, I assume everyone wishes me a happy day on May 3rd every year because Facebook told them it was my birthday. I'll be honest: I know about twelve peoples' birthdays, and five of those are my nuclear family (although, this post should convince you I'm not the typical person regarding those days, so other (normal) people probably know more). So, if there was any sentiment left in that "Happy Birthday!" (or similar) message, it's now gone. If I do wish someone a happy day on their birthday, it is almost assuredly on the phone or in person (Facebook still probably told me, but at least the interaction seems somewhat personal)
3. Meaning: What does a birthday mean? Let's break it down to its most raw form: A birthday is an anniversary of the day when your biological mother spent several hours in excruciating pain expelling you from her vagina (I told you I didn't recommend you, with your weak stomach, to read this). Why are we celebrating this? Honestly, I cannot figure out why we do this. Also, once you get to the age when you realize this, you don't want to be reminded every year that you're one year closer to your death (unless, of course, you find pleasure in knowing this). I prefer to focus on the present, not the past, not the future, but the right now, where I'm living.
4. Alternative: You say, "But Will, a birth is such a beautiful moment. We should be celebrating it (and its subsequent anniversaries)." I'm sorry, but I say, "Nay!" Have you ever seen a birth? I think I had to watch one for ninth grade Health class; it really isn't beautiful. You want to know what is beautiful? (And I don't want to think much past the surface of this) The act that occurred approximately nine months prior to your birth. That was a beautiful moment (I told you I didn't recommend you, with your low maturity level, to read this (although, that brings in to question how I'm qualified to write this)). Anyway, back on topic: Sexual intercourse was a great action of love bestowed upon us from God (Book recommendation: Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality by Rob Bell). How much less beautiful would it be if you had budded off of one of your parents? Not only was this a more beautiful act than your birth; it also represents the moment of your creation. Granted, you were nothing more than a cell that eventually split into a ball of cells, and then into some freaky fish-looking thing, and then into a human-looking fetus, but the act of sex started your creation. So to this I say: We should be celebrating Conception Day (or Approximate Conception Day for those who can't narrow it down enough).
So, to those who are sensible, stop celebrating these wretched days (wow, that's a bit overreactive) or tell me why I'm wrong below. Otherwise, enjoy your day and if you take anything away from this (other than the fact that I'm incredibly odd), it is that we should examine the acts we do out of habit. What is the action's purpose? If the answer is obligation, conformity, or there doesn't seem to be one, then stop what you're doing. Saves a lot of time and, admit it, you caused a little personal growth by doing it.
Very interesting Will you made me think and laugh! However, I will let you know that I do know when your birthday is without the help of Facebook. I remember because we are exactly 5 months apart. :) I have often thought some of the same things about birthdays and Facebook. In fact today someone told me that I missed their birthday and I felt bad and automatically reverted to "Well if you had Facebook I would have known" I felt really guilty after saying so because I knew that was a LAME excuse for forgetting.
ReplyDeleteI actually own the Sex God book but I have yet to read it, Ill have to make it next on my list!
Very interesting. So what happens if you wait and wait and on your wedding night, you learn that sex sucks? lol. but i think that the reasons birthdays are so important especially when you are young is because of all of the age restrictive things that our society has (i.e. drinking, clubbing, watching rated-R movies, etc). I think once you hit that age where you can do pretty much anything and everything, then it becomes less important. And also we do live in an age-ist society so once you hit a ertain age, at least for women, birthdays become this evil thing that takes away opportunities (i.e. not having a baby via menopause or too old, passed over for jobs for a younger person, etc.)
ReplyDeleteThe biggest problem with Conception Day is 1) too many babies are formed and then die in a mother's stomach. babies arent babies until they can breath outside of the womb. 2) too many people have conception with hope NOT to have babies or with measures that can stop that from happening. thats indicative of another problem though.
As for facebook, I think that if you are good friends with someone, you should try to do more than facebook happy birthday someone. I totally cant rememebr all of my friend's bdays, my brain wont be able to do that. So I do appreciate Facebook reminding me of bdays, and yes, that means I appreciate bdays in general and people deserve one day a year where they can be the focus.
I do want to read Sex God.
Let me take some of your points in order:
ReplyDelete1. If sex sucks, you're doing it wrong. Plain and simple. Sure, it may take practice to get it right (apparently this is true, anyone who knows me knows I've got no experience in this field), but sex is meant to be an act borne out of pure love. Read the book. (Although you may have been joking, in which case, disregard this comment altogether)
2. Good point on the age-restriction policies in our culture. Easily fixed with Conception day: you must be 21 +9 mos. to drink... But the point is really rendered moot by the fact that our society doesn't really care much (case in point: How many people do you know that actually waited until their 21st to drink? How many watched R-rated movies before they were "allowed"?)
3. The world is ageist. Agreed. Don't know that there's much we can do about this.
4. Did you really say "stomach"? I don't know how many babies are formed there, but I am quite sure a good amount would die if they were there. However, assuming you meant womb/uterus: I'm not going to get into a "When does life begin?" debate. I choose to regard a zygote/blastocyte/fetus as a separate, new, albeit dependent, creation, but it doesn't really matter what I think.
5. Whatever your point number 2 after that is trying to say: strongest argument for abstinence is the fact that you can't conceive an unwanted child from it. If you're talking about post-conception contraception, I'm not a fan (and as you point out, there is a problem present here). At worst, if you can't take care of a child, put it up for adoption (again, my opinion, which carries about zero weight).
6. "people deserve one day a year where they can be the focus" I may disagree with this statement, but still solved with Conception Day.
7. Just an observation: You're definitely a feminist, but I already knew that.
Also, @Cait, I did know yours also. And, isn't it sad how dependent we (our society) has become on Facebook. No wonder that Zuckerberg character is a complete egomaniac, we're telling him that he should be.
ReplyDeleteWEll...
ReplyDeleteSex being bad is a joke. although, there are women (like me) who have major problems with things being shoved up their vaginas (like tampons) so for women like this sex may be more painful than enoyable (sorry if that was TMI)
no one follows the rules because there are plenty of ways around it. i mean, you still have to be 21 to enter certain clubs, bars, drink in public without getting a police record, etc. There are consquences to those so i will say there are still age restrictions.
I meant Womb. Sometimes I do say stomach because it looks like the stomach but yea my bad. there is nothing wrong with thinking the cells/later on body parts are children at conception, and with modern medicine its much easier to get a child through that process of development, however be careful in that you are looking at that from a man's perspective and we women have to make a final decision on our babies.
if your definition of abstinence is no sex before marriage, than i disagree with your statement: "strongest argument for abstinence is the fact that you can't conceive an unwanted child from it." just because you are married doesnt mean you want a child. so should we tell married couples that dont want children to remain abstinent during their marriage?
I was also talking about pre or during-conception contraceptive (birth control, condoms, etc) there is only one post conception contraception and that is the abortion pill. I am an advocate for birth control and I am on it now for my period problems. will prob get off of it just long enough to have my children and then i will remove my eggs. the point is that im not against these things in principle (unlike the catholic church) so im extra careful when it comes to talking about it.
Why cant people have a day where they are the focus? If people seek it, thats one thing. If people earn it, thats totally different (remember: we celebrte Christmas)
What makes u think im a feminist :)
1. I refuse to comment on whether the insertion of anything into an orifice I don't have is unpleasant.
ReplyDelete2. "we women have to make a final decision on our babies" - I disagree. A child, from the point of conception, should be the mutual responsibility of both parents (until the child is accountable for itself). Another thing good ol' American society has destroyed. (Side note: we should all support Donald Miller's Mentoring Project)
3. I have no issue with some forms of birth control. I hear birth control pills help women by reducing the effects of the menstrual cycle. I'm all for that. Using it (birth control pills, condoms, and other forms of contraception) to reduce the chance of birth I do not see as much of a problem. However, relying on it as a foolproof way of preventing birth is wrong. The responsibility, even as a married couple, of being sexually active is that there is always the possibility of a child. I make that claim without exception.
4. I thought I saw a commercial for an abortion-pill-type medicate that was described as "not the abortion pill", but I may be wrong.
5. "Why cant people have a day where they are the focus? If people seek it, thats one thing. If people earn it, thats totally different (remember: we celebrte Christmas)"
5.1. How have we "earned" the right to a day focused on us?
5.2. Jesus is an exception (to Christians), He being their Savior. But even then, He never directed us to celebrate His birthday.
5.3. Fun fact: I believe most scholars think Jesus was born in the summer months, making his conception day somewhere in fall or winter, so Christmas Day would be closer to His Conception Day. But I doubt we'll ever be able to prove His birth day, at least until He reveals it to us, if He feels it necessary to do so.
Will,
ReplyDelete1. As someone who has always found Birthdays silly (what's the big change that occurs from 12 years and 364 days old to 13 years and 0 days old?), I strongly agree.
2. In reference to #4 in your comment above, I believe you were referring to this product's commercial. Isn't it creepy that I knew that? :)
My response...
ReplyDeleteon point #2: I think that there should be a distinction between what should happen and what does happen. Yea, a real man would step up and do what he can to help (keyword here). at the end of the day, we women carry the baby, provide its nutrients, have to sacrifice for the child, has to take 100% responsiblity if the child dies in her womb or coming out. WE risk our life when we give birth (esp. if it is via caesarian section). so we do have the ultimate weight on us. outside of massages or other trivial things, you cant do much until the child is born. That is what i meant when i say women are the final decision makers on our babies.
on point #3: I think that cases of rape (yes husbands can rape their wives) can be an exeption. this doesnt happen in America often, but in other places there are higher incidences of arranged marriages and the husband/wife isnt sexually attracted to each other and considers any form of sex with them rape. yes your point works if two people are in love and mutually decided to marry. otherwise, no.
on point #4: Plan B is not an abortion pill. it doesnt kill babies. it is a form of birth control you take after sex that tries to protect sperm-egg action taking place. if you have sex and forget to take your birth control pill, you can take Plan B. however, if sperm-egg contact has been made before you take Plan B, then the pill wont help. you will still have a baby. EU-456 is the ONLY abortion pill that exists (at least that people have may have access to. and idk if ppl have access to it).
on point #5: question: should we not then have Martin Luther King Jr Day in America? Yes Jesus nvr told us "you must celebrate my bday" we do because we feel like he has earned the right to be celebrated. Jesus was prob born in the summertime, yes, but we also celebrate it on Dec 25 because of competition with Saturnalia in the Roman Empire and havent changed tradition despite new evidence emerging that says otherwise.
2. OK, fine. My children are going to be the full 100% responsibility of both of their parents, as we will be one flesh. When women take the responsibility, it's like giving only 50% of that one flesh. (Also, mothers' death rate from Caesarean section is not incredibly high considering many of those cases are the result of pre-existing poor health of the mother)
ReplyDelete3. I think that's a separate issue, but even then I feel like one must accept the cards one is dealt (and this goes for much more than a baby as the result of rape). (Must I quote Jeremiah 29:11? Or, for a more secular quote: Que sera sera, Whatever will be will be). Part of the greatness of humans (when they happen to be great) is their ability to accept what has happened, and move on, gaining strength from what has happened.
4. I now know more than I ever wanted to know about contraceptive pills. Thank you for the clarification, though. The commercial must have been misleading, or I didn't pay enough attention to it. Strike that – I know I wouldn't have paid that much attention to it.
5. I'll make a bold statement: No man deserves a day for us to worship him. (This applies to women too, the writing just looks ugly with all those "or "s floating around...we really need gender-neutral words in the English language). Also, what MLKJ did is a lot closer to being worthy of worship than some random person having been birthed. And, just for the record, Jesus was God (and man, but also God) so the above bold statement need not apply.
Just realized you can't use angle brackets in comments (it gets interpreted as html code). So that thing above is supposed to say: "or <female alternative>"
ReplyDelete2. yea, thats true that C-Sections arent as dangerous as they used to be but talk to any doctor and they nvr recommend it unless giving birth naturally will be impossible. Plus it looks disgusting.
ReplyDelete3. if you say so. People dont always put themselves in situations though.
4. Lol we females have a TON of options. birth control, female condoms, straight up sterilization. Its crazy. The commerical does say at the end that it is not the abortion pill which is good because I don't like how it can seem misleading if you are not well-informed. Glamour has a great article that just came out about how women are experiencing high rates of unwanted pregnancies despite all of these actions and how many of these women want babies but are pressured into waiting.
5. i think worship is a strong word. I dont worship anyone other than God. I do think some men deserve to be commemorated though.
http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/09/are-you-playing-baby-roulette
ReplyDelete2. Well, if it looks disgusting...
ReplyDelete3. Again, my point being: even if you don't put yourself in the situation, you still have to deal with it. And there are many options as to dealing with it when it occurs.
4. Was that article supposed to make my point for me? As for the women who want to have a child, but life circumstances are preventing them from doing so, I say, "Welcome to being a human." There are soooooo many things I want (material and immaterial) but do not have, and it would be unwise or relatively impossible for me to obtain them. Just gotta deal with it.
5. But do people deserve to be commemorated for being pushed out of a birth canal?
4. I think that women are also pressured from society to be more ambitious and tell them to wait before they have children, because it is easier to have children when you have more resources you gain from having a job (which can actually hurt them because there is no paid maternity leave and also there is a chance they are set back in their careers). So its a lose-lose situation.
ReplyDelete5. ultimately birthdays are a day of celebration. so much unhappiness in the world. there needs to be as many excuses as possible to celelbrate bdays. I'm not against it even if there really is no reason to celebrate it. sometimes, we shouldnt need a life-changing huge philosophical reason to do what we do. As humans, we have to follow what life gives us even if it doesnt follow our philosophy.
4. Again, welcome to life on planet Earth. Childbearing is specifically feminine, but the struggles/consequences/hardships/sacrifices of life are comparable for everyone (different for sure, but comparable).
ReplyDelete5. You're right. There is too unhappiness in the world. However, celebrations of birthdays are not going to fix that. Happiness isn't obtained by filling one's life with pleasure and meaningless ceremony. True happiness is obtained in finding meaning for one's life.
i think you are taking bdays too seriously. its like harmless fun.
ReplyDeleteI'll give you that one, but I think that's a bit of the point of this blog, maybe...
ReplyDeleteso i just found this blog now, but i could not agree more with the statement that birthdays and birthday celebrations are overrated. It makes absolutely no difference to me if no one gives me presents or cake or a celebration or even says happy birthday. its just another day.
ReplyDelete