Complaint #007: Travel

Having been traveling the past nine days (something I'll likely never have to do again as a software developer), I feel qualified (even though I'm not) to complain about the things I don't enjoy about travel. I actually did enjoy the travel, but the following would have made it a bit better.

I'm not sure if these count as complaints, but rather more as tips or observations.

In the Car

• Try to get in a carpool of people with similar musical taste (or at least share it with the driver). You don't want to get stuck in a car listening to the 24-hour Pearl Jam station and you definitely don't need to hear both the Wisconsin and California version of Lady GaGa's "Yoü and I" on the same trip
• Yes, all of the other people chuckle at you when you're the first to fall asleep (especially if you snore, and even if the rest of them also fall asleep on the trip (although, hopefully not the driver))

At the Airport

• Contrary to what you would expect, they do not provide you with a rape kit after the security check
• Every airport has twelve Starbucks and no Dunkin' Donuts
• You either arrive at your gate two hours early or fifteen minutes after boarding starts (six minutes before takeoff); never can you arrive at a reasonable time

On the plane

• The passenger next to you will be bigger than you, so give up the leg room to him/her
• If you're going to drink a large iced coffee before you get on the plane, make sure you visit the bathroom before you board, also
• No, there is no comfortable position to sleep (but, then again, there are no comfortable positions on the plane at all)
• That thin curtain that separates you from first class does give them the authority to be pretentious drunkards

At the hotel

• Yes, every hotel's gym/health center is 85° and 95% humidity so that you work up a sweat by the time you reach the treadmill (I think they're trying to convince you subconsciously that you're working out really hard, but it's not very helpful when you still have five miles left to run)
• Despite how helpful it would be, your hotel room number is not on your hotel room keycard
• A Residence Inn room is meant to be an entire residence, making it unnecessary to stay there for one night
• Even though it has a front desk, the hotel restaurant expects you to seat yourself (if you don't know this, it's OK to wander around aimlessly as if you're looking for your friend, no one thinks you're an idiot)
• As we all know, placing your towel on the floor means the housekeeping person will replace it and leaving it on the rack means they won't. What they don't tell you is that if you leave the bathmat sized towel on the floor, they'll replace all of the towels.

Back Home

• Yes, the mailman (or mailwoman) was trying to see how much mail he (or she) can cram into your mailbox

In writing this I felt like a bad comedian ("And what's the deal with airline food?"), but I hope you enjoyed it or feel my pain or find these tips helpful for your next trip.