Without spending much time thinking about it, I'd say Geico has the most varied television commercials of any company. Case in point: here is a list of YouTube links for dogs chasing cats, a guinea-pig-powered computer, that announcer guy from the movies, a gecko with an English accent, inappropriately timed good news, and a commercial made in 15 minutes. For a company, this is a good thing. They're attacking the human public from many angles and therefore growing their audience. It won't affect losers who don't drive (me), but being varied is, ultimately, beneficial for business.
I did not include the Geico Cavemen commercials in that previous list because I find them absolutely abhorrent. There's a point at which a joke becomes tired; the Geico Cavemen joke, at this point, has not only become tired, but it has died of exhaustion and is decomposing before our very eyes. The newest atrocity is the series of commercials starring Washington Redskins' All-Pro linebacker Brian Orakpo (if you're a football fan, you've seen these commercials approximately 4,294,967,295 times). No one actually knows who Brian Orakpo is (or, at least, no one recognizes the man) because Geico feels the need to mention his name twelve times in each commercial in which he stars.
It is because of all of this that I've taken the liberty of scripting (hopefully the last) Geico Caveman commercial with Brian Orakpo (and, again hopefully, the last caveman commercial):
Setting: A room painted burgundy with the words "Brian Orakpo" painted in gold on it. A blinking neon sign with the words "Brian Orakpo" and an arrow pointing at Brian Orakpo is present. Standing next to Mr. Orakpo (obviously in his "Orakpo" shirt) is the Geico Caveman (in a shirt that says "I'm with Brian Orakpo ->" (à la "I'm with Stupid ->") with the arrow point at Mr. Orakpo).
Caveman: Brian Orakpo?
Brian: Yes, I'm Brian Orakpo.
Caveman: The Brian Orakpo?
Brian: Yes, The Brian Orakpo.
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Caveman: Brian Orakpo
Brian: Brian Orakpo
Announcer: Brian Orakpo, I mean Geico: Fifteen minutes could save you up to 15% on Brian Orakpo. I mean car insurance Orakpo.
worst. ads. ever.
ReplyDeleteLOL the best commericals are the State Farm ones with Aaron Rodgers, BJ Raji, and Clay Matthews. Super Bowl ads are good too. otherwise I hate all commericals.
ReplyDeleteYour script would be rejected because, while superbly capturing the company's desire to say Orakpo's name many times, it lacks the horrifying ending joke attempts which accompany every caveman-orakpo ad... e.g. "you won't see me at bingo!!", "they put me on the bottom [of the cheerleading pyramid]!"
ReplyDeleteI guess you could say that my script would get ... Orakpoed.
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